And speaking of Jack Webb...

Here's a favorite video clip we got from someone a long time ago:

Dog Police

(Dragnet theme song plays, Jack Webb starts talking...)

The story you're about to read is true. No names have been changed, because none of them was innocent. (anyone remember Isaac Air Freight?)

This is the city. Lots and lots of houses on postage stamp lots. And in almost every back yard, a dog or two. Except for mine, just about every yard in my neighborhood contains at least one dog. I am completely surrounded. My name is not Friday, but I'm beginning to think I ought to carry a badge.

Most of the dogs are peaceful and civilized, but all of them make a lot of noise, especially when sirens or C-5's go by. And in every neighborhood there always seems to be at least one troublemaker. Here, that troublemaker is a rather unattractive bulldog named Lola, who lives next door.

I was minding my own business, watering my flowers this morning, when I heard a commotion in the yard next to my own. This is not an uncommon occurrence, due to the fact that Lola is the local bully. (This must be how they came up with the name, "bulldog".) She is perfectly friendly to people, but not to other dogs. And when she's in a rage and fence-fighting with a neighbor, she becomes just about the most mindless piece of meat on four legs I've ever seen.

A week ago, Lola the bullydog was shouting insults at the dog on the other side of my yard (her name is Daisy). Daisy hasn't yet learned the folly of returning evil for evil, and started yelling insults back. This infuriated Lola, and she got so worked up that she managed to bulldoze her way THROUGH the slats of the fence into my yard. She then started fence-fighting with Daisy. After I herded the local gawkers (my children) back into the house, I got a rope around Lola's neck and literally dragged forty pounds of dog back across my yard, through the gate, and back into her own yard. I then spent the next hour with a cordless drill and a box of deck screws, repairing the nearly useless fence.

Lola's yard-mate, a little brown escape artist named Stewey, has learned how to dig holes under the fences and also how to squeeze between any loose boards. He makes the rounds of the neighbors' yards, stealing their dog food and treats. I don't think he and Lola are really working together, because he never seems to be listening to her barking orders through the fence.

This morning as Stewey made his usual rounds, his last caper before heading back to his own yard was the yard directly behind mine - the home of a three-month-old puppy named Brody. Apparently, Brody followed Stewey back through his hole into Stewey's yard, where he was immediately assaulted by the bullydog. This was the commotion I heard as I came outside.

I knew that puppy wouldn't last long if I didn't do something, so I went over there and looked for something with which to lasso the bullydog. The only thing available was the neighbor's garden hose. It didn't work too well as a lasso, but I was able to get it around her neck just enough to pull her off the puppy. (It was hard to tell just where her neck actually was.) Finally, after about ten minutes of fighting with her, she backed off just enough that I was able to safely pick up Brody and carry him out of danger.

First, I set him down in my driveway while I had Collin open up the garage door so I could get a rope for Brody. I also had Tim go upstairs and retrieve my slippers, since I had stepped in a big pile of leftovers during the rescue (the things a cop has to endure to protect and to serve!) and had to remove my shoes.

Brody came out of the ordeal badly shaken, but not injured. In fact, there wasn't a scratch on him, but he did have a LOT of dog drool all over his throat. Seems the bullydog's face is more flab than teeth; I wonder if she has any? No, I don't really want to know.

After Brody had somewhat recovered from his scare, I took him around to the front door of his house and rang the doorbell. No one was home. So, I felt it necessary to take temporary custody of the puppy. I left a note on the door, which read,

"Hi,
I have Brody in my yard. I had to rescue him this morning from the bulldog next door. Please call me or drop by as soon as possible. We need to talk."

I also left a note on Lola's owner's front door, asking her to contact me so I could talk to her about the dogs. I haven't heard from her. (I don't know whether she talked to Gary while I was at HOPE tonight, but I doubt it.)

I took Brody back to my yard and tied him to a tree so he could rest. I was afraid to put him back in his own yard since I didn't know whether or not he'd learned his lesson about crossing boundaries and I didn't want to find out. Plus, I wanted to make sure I got a chance to talk to his owner. I sent Tim over the fence to get some of his dog food, but the dish was empty - probably stolen by Stewey.

We all enjoyed playing with him all day until his owner came to get him when she got home from work. I told her all about what had happened and she thanked me profusely. I suggested that she keep him in his crate in the house while they're gone, rather than leaving him outside all day. I hope she'll do that. He's a really sweet puppy but he'll start learning a lot of bad habits from the other neighborhood dogs if he's left to himself all the time like they are. The proverb that says, "A child who is left to himself brings grief to his mother" is true for dogs, too!

I have been wanting an opportunity to get to know my neighbors a little better, but I didn't expect it to have to be like this. I don't want to be the one to be complaining about their dogs, but I am honestly getting tired of being the dog police around here.

I don't even own a dog!

Resurrection Day Picture

I know it's two weeks overdue, but it's been a lot longer than that since we all had our picture taken together. Thank you, Beth!!! So, here it is - our family with both sets of grandparents, all together for Resurrection Day, March 23, 2008!

I always seem to find things to comment on when I look at a picture of our family - things like:

Gary's dad, as usual, has something profound to say.
Collin, as usual, needs a haircut.
Mandy, as usual, is making funny faces.
I, as usual, am wearing the same dress I wore for a family picture in October of 2000 and for several other pictures since then. After more than seven years, I think it's time for a new one...sigh! I have the pattern and the fabric ready...

But, don't take this the wrong way - I have NOTHING to complain about! How many families can say that both sets of in-laws get along so well? And look so good in the same picture together? We're more richly blessed than I'd have ever have dared to imagine.